Comments on: Faking It

By: Megan M.

Megan M. — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 21:17:48 +0000

It's clear that I'm a fan of concept explanations that are based on feeling something out, because I love this explanation. It makes sense to me on a fundamental level. Truth isn't always (isn't usually?) something you can express in hard facts and steps. More than anything, we're all feeling our way forward. And if we move towards what MEness feels like… if we keep trying to find it and listening and learning to understand ourselves better… I'm not sure there's a better answer than that.

By: Ricardo

Ricardo — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 11:49:11 +0000

I fake it all the time. It's fundamental to confidence as perceived by others. I was doing it the day you wrote this. The thing about the faking, though, is that it's impossible to pull off, in my opinion, if you aren't being real. That doesn't make much sense, I know, but it really does. In order to fake confidence you have to be sure enough of yourself and be so authentic that those observing the fakery have no choice to believe in YOU so much because they want to know that radiant, splendid YOU that you are being. The overwhelming YOUness overshadows the fakery. Confidence comes from being yourself. Faking is optional.

By: christinemyers

christinemyers — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:18:28 +0000

This idea has very much been on my mind as I start my own business. They say when you area solopreneur you have to wear a lot of hats; as a theatre person I like to wear a lot of different characters. If I need to be outgoing I put on one kind of character; if I need to be organized and efficient I put on that kind of character.

Also, I read somewhere once that if you fake a smile, it actually releases some of the same feel-good chemicals as when you really smile.

By: Rachael E.C. Acklin

Rachael E.C. Acklin — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 19:42:25 +0000

TRUST MYSELF. That's what the term 'faking it' means to me. Trusting myself to do this marvelous, wonderful, difficult, way-too-hard thing. Trusting my actual ability and my ability to learn. Trusting that what I WANT to do is the right thing.

By: Megan Taylor

Megan Taylor — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 19:25:22 +0000

YES. I have totally done this whole "faking it" thing and had it work *brilliantly*. Of course, the bad kind can be very bad, but I think you've hit the nail on the head when it comes to the difference between good faking it and bad faking it.

Let's put it this way: before I pretended that I had self-confidence, I would never in a million years have sent you that email. :D And that would have been very, very sad.

It's all about self-actualization and figuring out who you want to be and striving for that.

By: Rahul Deodhar

Rahul Deodhar — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 08:18:39 +0000

Know it!

The bard said it best ” And this above all, to thine own self be true”. Faking has emotional cost, it is a net loss, high income terribly high expense! After a while, any faking good or bad takes self-confidence to a new nadir. And if we do find real passion, real success, real self-confidence – how will we believe ourself? We might still doubt that we are faking it and getting good at faking it! Instead – know it!

I find myself doing something passionately -I know it is passion. Then use that scale on other things – at least I know relatively how I feel about other things! Is my passion bigger than yours? Who cares? The relevant question is is this the thing I am most passionate about?

By: Dawn

Dawn — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:27:07 +0000

I think the whole idea with faking it is learning to step out of your comfort zone on some things. I struggle with the disingenuous in the statement, too. But I can fake something and still be true to myself at the same time. For example, I value being confident. However, imagine one day I wake up and the kids are screaming about going to school and I spill coffee on myself on the way to a networking meeting. At the meeting, I may not feel confident but I know I need to appear confident or else I'll just look pathetic. Looking pathetic is not something I value so I'm actually doing myself (and my business) harm at a networking meeting if I go with the pathetic look. So faking confidence is OK even if it means confidently making fun of myself at the networking meeting about the coffee stain on my shirt.

By: Megan M.

Megan M. — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:24:31 +0000

Dude, we have great comments today! “Living in the future” is a GREAT way to look at it!

By: Megan M.

Megan M. — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:23:34 +0000

I can't remember who, but somebody somewhere talked about "be" and "do" and "have" in a particular order for a certain scenario, and a particular order for a different scenario, and that one worked better than the other. It must have been too vague a concept for me at the time (and maybe now, since I honestly can't remember which was which). But I'm wondering where I found that and if I might find it again.

But the concept is also similar to the "genius head" method. You put on somebody else's head, and act/react the way they would. Then you're learning what it feels like to be equipped emotionally the way they are, and it's easier to do it later as yourself. Trying it on for size, for real.

I do like thinking about it as pushing towards being uncomfortable, stretching and not just staying in place. LOVE that.

By: Megan M.

Megan M. — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:20:01 +0000

Nice one. Yeah, the WORD “fake” just creates a lot of problems. (Some of the same problems are created when we try to reclaim the word “failure”, actually.) But doing it makes it real, and it's more and more real the more you DO it. As action-oriented as I am, I like that one a lot. ^_^